Destiny
by coalitiongirl
Summary: Takes place immediately after S8 #35. Spike and Buffy come to terms with each other, even as Twilight looms ever closer...
1. Chapter 1

Updating all the fics I haven't indexed yet here- you've been warned. :D

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They'd taken a few minutes to tend to the injured before they regrouped to discuss tactics against Twilight, and Spike had slipped away as soon as he could, conscious of Buffy's wondering eyes on him. He wouldn't, _couldn't_ stand to have a reunion with her now, not with Angel's scent so strong on her, so he'd shut himself back in his ship almost as soon as he'd left it.

Angel followed him in, and then it was Buffy and sex all around, and he inhaled involuntarily. "Had some fun?" he asked sarcastically.

Angel took Illyria's seat with a heavy sigh. Illyria was crouched on the floor watching the tropical fish swim in the aquarium she'd insisted on bringing along, following the purple striped one with one cocked finger. "Buffy and I…we're destined, you know."

"Yeah. I know. Haven't seen her in two years, m'not interested in seeing her now. This is about fighting your bloody Twilight." It was heaven and hell all at once, being so close to the girl when she was at her best, glorious and fighting and sensual and fuc- _Stop thinking about it! _

It hurt. Yeah, she might not have known that he was alive- that remained a mystery that only a dying boy in the ruins outside could answer- but he'd spent a year of his life with Illyria, trying to fight Twilight as Angel targeted the slayer's own, and when she'd finally been faced with the enemy, she'd fucked him instead. Buffy had always had a blind spot when it came to Angel, though. It hadn't come as a surprise.

But it hurt.

"That's _not_-" Angel stopped, calming himself visibly. When Spike was hurt, he pushed Angel's buttons, but Angel didn't seem to be going for that today. Bugger. "That's not what I'm saying. Just… I've always been a firm believer in destiny. Shanshu, the PTB…Buffy. She was mine, because they ordained it."

"Do you have a point here?" Spike demanded. "Because right now, I've got a war on my hands. One _you_ chose the wrong side of."

Angel was silent, watching Illyria circle the aquarium as the fish moved to the other side. "I've always known that Buffy and I would be together eventually. Our love was fated."

Spike scowled at him. "So I've heard. You have a point here, or are you just pontificating for fun?"

Angel glanced at the door just as there was a slight knock. "Angel? …Spike?" It was his old lover, her voice tentative and soft. "Um…Andrew's going to be fine. Giles asked me to get you."

Angel reached for the door, turning to look back at Spike. "Turns out Buffy makes her own destiny," he said quietly, pulling open the door to reveal the girl waiting for them.

He stared at her for a long moment, their eyes meeting for the first time since he'd been lost in the Hellmouth, taking in the shame and the fear and the wonder- and even some jealous dismay when she caught sight of Illyria- in her expression. "Yeah, she does," he agreed. "But so do I." Maybe they'd sit down and talk someday. Maybe they'd finally reunite and love again, when this was all over. But that was his decision to make, not the universe's or Angel's or even Buffy's. And he had more important matters to worry about first.

Her brow was wrinkling with confusion as he swept past her in a whirl of black leather. "Come on, love," he beckoned her. "We've got a Big Bad to take down."


	2. Chapter 2

"So…um, what now?" Buffy asked, her eyes darting to Spike and away again, flushing when he met her gaze with a quirked eyebrow. "I mean…you said all these things about defeating Twilight, with the dramatic voice, and the spaceship, and the blue-haired woman in the really tight suit-" She stopped abruptly, reddening even more and wrapping her arms around herself. "Um. How are we supposed to stop it?"

He smirked at her, shrugging away the way the look in her eyes still made his heart ache. Damn, but he still loved her, regardless of what he'd decided. And that wouldn't be a factor in the here and now, but to be so close to her and still keep a distance was quickly becoming a hell far worse than any pain he'd endured before. "You need to have sex with me," he announced nonchalantly.

_"What?"_

"Spike…" Angel ground out from somewhere behind him.

He rolled his eyes. "No, my dear lovebirds. Sex is _not_ the answer. Now, I don't know if you remember this, but you two and sex? Never a good mix."

"Enough, Spike," Willow said reprovingly, but her eyes were dancing with an almost spiteful mirth. The two girls behind her both fidgeted. The first one, a much older and more put together Dawn, arched a brow at him playfully. And the second, a Japanese slayer he'd never seen before…

…She looked devastated and furious, all at once. And gods, but he knew that look.

He tore his eyes away from her to look back at Buffy and Giles. "Right. What happened is, Illyria and I took a gander at the future as it was destined and all that rot. S'not pretty."

"You visited the future?" Willow asked, interested. "Not-"

"Fray," Buffy put in, white-faced. "You went to Fray's time."

"Yeah." He nodded to the ship. "Met her for a bit. She helped us steal the ship. Turns out that you two play Adam and Eve, create a whole new world with no slayers and destroy the old world."

"But there was a slayer," Willow pointed out. "There was Fray and her brother."

"Because the so-called gods of the world were finally killed, and with their deaths, a new slayer was finally called." Spike tossed Willow a sidelong glance. "They called the killer the Mad Woman."

Buffy let out a little gasp. Willow sat back heavily. "Ah."

"But it won't happen like that now," Faith said, frowning thoughtfully. "Buffy came back here."

"So did I, you know," Angel mumbled. They all ignored him.

"No." Giles spoke for the first time, his face grave. "It will. How else could Spike's craft still exist?"

"It's inevitable," Angel murmured, and flinched when they all turned to glare at him. "Giles agrees with me!" he said defensively.

Spike shrugged. "Way I see it, the world and the slayer line is safe only once we defeat Twilight. And that hasn't happened yet."

"Can I talk to you? Alone?" Buffy said stiffly, rising suddenly to stand in front of him.

He blinked. "Yeah, sure."

She followed him back toward the ship, and it was out of courtesy for her position at the head of her troops that he waited until they were out of hearing range to ask, "Don't you think the reunion chat can wait?"

Buffy smacked him on the arm. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Spike. This isn't about…us." She sighed. "The Mad Woman…it's Will. Under the influence of dark magic."

He nodded. "I know."

She was silent for a moment, leaning against the side of the ship with sudden weariness. "Please don't let them bring me back this time."

"Buffy?" The name rolled off his tongue so easily that it was hard to believe that he hadn't spoken it in over a year. She met his eyes, and Spike saw the sorrowful acceptance in her eyes, the understanding of the only way they really could win this. "No," he said firmly, a hand moving almost of its own power to her arm and giving it a comforting little squeeze. "There's going to be another way. You're not going to die."

"It's not like it sticks anymore, anyway," she murmured, giving him a sad smile. "How long have you been back?"

"You didn't know, then," he concluded, a bit relieved. Yeah, the fact that she'd never contacted him had been good for him. But wondering if she'd known, and if she'd just decided that he wasn't worth the bother…it had nearly killed him to consider it.

"How could I?" she said, her eyes flashing with sudden anger. "You never told me! You never called or wrote- or anything! You had time to go time-travelling with the Smurf-girl, and never a minute to stop by and say, 'Hey, remember me? I'm still with the walking dead, just thought I'd let you know!'"

"I thought that Andrew told you-"

"Andrew?" she repeated disbelievingly. "You were counting on _Andrew_?" Her voice softened to a pained whisper as she reached over to cup his cheek. "How could you possibly think that I wouldn't come to you the instant I found out you were alive?"

He closed his eyes and reached over to gently guide her hand away from his. "Buffy…"

She shook her head. "It's the blue girl, isn't it? You've moved on. I get it."

"No, it's not that." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his duster, fiddling with a packet of smokes with his left hand. "Buffy, I've spent the past few years figuring out who I am. When I first got the soul, I defined myself by just one word- _yours_. And now I'm trying to be more, to understand what I can be on my own." She held his gaze, and the understanding that he could see in her eyes heartened him. "William was a useless ponce. Soulless me was just a demon. Now I'm something else entirely, and I need to _be_ that person first, but when you're around, you strip it all away and make me want to just be your lapdog again. I can't do that anymore." He considered and felt obliged to say, "Not to mention that a few hours ago, you were fucking the unliving daylights out of my sire."

She flushed. "I don't- there was this glow-" She fell silent, wringing her hands together in shame and despair, and there was a tense silence.

Spike was immensely grateful when Illyria emerged from the ship with a limp purple fish in her hand. "This one no longer holds any amusement for me, Spike," she informed him. "You will find me a more befitting sea creature. I will have a shark next."

He tossed off a lazy salute in her direction. "Whatever you say, Blue."

Buffy caught his arm before he could move away. "Thank you," she said finally. "For coming to help us."

He fidgeted, suddenly uncomfortable. He'd expected to arrive while Angel and Buffy were ascending their heavenly thrones together, to just see Giles and help him take them down. He hadn't wanted to see her, hadn't wanted to speak to her, not when it reawakened these old feelings in him. And now she was here regardless of how things should have been and gazing at him with a look he'd so rarely seen from her before, offering something he couldn't take. "You know me," he said, trying to sound flippant. It came out as an utterance of a prayer. "Saving the world…it's sort of a hobby of mine."

She flashed him a wry smile as they turned to face the expectant crowd of slayers and watchers. "That makes two of us."


	3. Chapter 3

She was being pulled.

That was the sensation, anyway. Her every move away from Angel was a struggle, and her every move toward him helped her breath more easily; and when she stood close enough to him, the faintest glow suffused her, the vaguest sensation just beneath the skin. If she squinted and brushed a hand against Angel's, she could actually see it.

He knew, damn him, and she sensed a smirk tugging at the edges of his lips as she fought it. It was one thing to say "fuck evolution" and leave Twilight, and it was another entirely to cast it completely away. She'd been distracted at first, caught up in the battle and determination, but once Spike had arrived and somehow forced the throng of demons to retreat, leaving them at peace, she'd felt the first tuggings of destiny. To_Angel_. And as much anathema as the idea of surrendering her fate to the universe was to her now, she couldn't help but relieve the pain a bit, to stand beside him and let him stroke the back of her hand as they waited with the other Scoobies.

"I wonder why they haven't attacked again," Willow said, frowning at the tears in reality that had spat forth demons by the dozens only several hours before. "What's holding them back?"

"Might be the goddess here," Spike said absently from where he stood beside- Illyria, was it? She was examining that dead fish she'd been holding much like a child eyed a particularly worn doll, and it was giving Buffy some serious heebie-jeebies. The woman was strange, beautiful, and an odd sort of mix between Drusilla's crazy and Anya's forthrightness. Which apparently suited Spike just fine.

_Spike_. She longed to pull him aside, to find out where he'd been and at least _begin_ to forge that relationship they'd once had again, but he shied away from her- or at least any non-Twilight-related talk. Except when he'd earnestly and firmly shot her down. And she did understand why he'd said what he did, much as it pained her to accept it. It might have been easier if he'd just told her he didn't love her, because she'd have known that it was a lie. Spike didn't stop loving. Ever. But to say that he needed to be on his own…that burned, and not only because of the rejection, but because she needed that, too, and she'd chosen to ignore that need instead of foster it. She was weak, weaker than he ever was, and with that realization, Twilight gained a little more power within her.

"Illyria?" Angel said doubtfully. "What does she have to do with anything?"

Spike shrugged. "She's from an old world, you're trying to build a new one. Might be connected."

"Maybe." Angel's hand was wrapped around hers now, and she tugged it from his grasp anxiously, feeling that strange warmth rise again before she let go. She tried to subtly move closer to Willow, and the _need_died down again, becoming a dull, throbbing pull instead. Spike watched her with sharp, knowing eyes, and she flushed and looked away, even as the pull lost a little more power.

As long as her family and friends were close, she could withstand it, holding on to her connections to the old world and hiding her from Angel. As long as his irresistible presence was masked, even temporarily, she could still fight it.

And at that moment, Xander came running up to them with Dawn hot on his heels, and the connection grew even stronger. "Amy's gone!" he panted, skidding to a stop in front of them. "Voll, Warren, Amy…they've all left."

"Damn!" Buffy sighed. "Well, at least we've got the boss here, right?" She turned hopeful eyes to Angel, making eye contact with him for the first time since they'd left Twilight…

…And the glow rose, expanded, and covered her flesh.

Frantically, she reached for the closest anchor, for someone to pull her back, but Willow had already stepped aside and Spike recoiled when she grabbed at him, leaving her staggering toward Angel.

She fell into his arms, kissing him to her and wrapping shaking arms tightly around him, her surroundings fading away into fuzzy oblivion. The demons were coming back through the tears in space-time again, Giles was calling her name, Spike, Illyria, Faith and Satsu were all moving into combat modes, but it suddenly didn't matter anymore.

"You see?" Angel said quietly, kissing a trail along her neck. "You've tried to resist it, but there's a part of you that wants it just as much as I do. You need this peace, this rejuvenation, Buffy. And I can give it to you."

They rose slightly, and the air left goosebumps along her wetted neck. She shivered. "Ohh…No...I don't…"

"I'm not going to fuck you again," Angel said reassuringly, rubbing circles into her back. "Not if you don't want it."

"I want…" She _wanted_ to help her friends, even as they grew more and more distant from her. Below, Willow was shouting something frantically as the demons drew closer, shooting fireballs at them but barely making a dent. Illyria was hurling her attackers aside with impatience, Spike and Satsu were fighting a crowd of demons all on their own...As she watched, a demon caught Satsu by the arm and bit down savagely.

"Spike, get Satsu to your ship! Retreat, everyone! Retreat!" Willow was crying, but Buffy could barely hear her. She seemed muffled, far away, and right now, she was focused on the catch in Angel's pants. He was right. She couldn't resist because she didn't want to, and she wasn't going to, either, not when Twilight beckoned.

She crashed her lips back to Angel's as they picked up speed, her last remaining objections gone and her thoughts blissfully silent again. 


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to **ubi4soft** for reference help on a bit of this chapter. :)

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She hit the ground with a thump and sat up almost immediately, her head clearing instantly and her eyes suddenly alert. "_Dammit_, Angel!" she hissed. "What did you do to me?"

"I didn't do anything." He was standing beside her, watching warily as she pulled herself up furiously. "You did it yourself. Again."

"No. No…I can't…" She buried her face in her hands. "I let them down again. They need me."

"And what about what _you_ need?" Angel asked, putting his hands on her shoulders and rubbing them with long, circular strokes. "Peace? Love? Connection? Why can't you finally accept what you deserve?"

"We've been through this before," she told him, rolling her eyes. "And you were all for switching sides and helping me last time I told you that you were full of bull. What happened?"

Angel sighed. "Twilight isn't going to stop just because we've left. Giles is right. Once it's been set into motion, it's going to continue until the finish, and there's nothing we can do to prevent that. But I'll fight with you if that's how you want this to go down, you know that. You're the most important thing to me in this existence."

For a moment, she turned and saw a flash of pain cross his face, but she shook it off, frustrated and angry. "You're _not_ the most important thing to me. And I'm going back to the people who are." With her statement, a rip opened in front of her to show her the last of the Scoobies fleeing into Spike's craft just as the demons caught up.

"They're safe now," Angel said patiently. "If that ship can travel through time, they can escape before Twilight eradicates the old world."

"Maybe." She stared a little harder, watching as the rip in reality changed into the interior of the ship. Willow and Giles were talking in low voices she couldn't quite hear, Dawn and Xander were caught in each others' embrace, Andrew was following Illyria around with a sort of drooling fascination, Spike was tending to Satsu's nearly severed arm, and all the other slayers were milling around, looking worried and directionless. "But they need me."

"This isn't about them or their needs, Buffy. It's about you. What you need. What you can be, as long as-"

She whirled on him. "As what? As I abandon my family? As I let the world fall apart? I'm responsible for them all!" She waved vaguely toward the rip. "Not just my slayers, but the whole planet, and I can't let them die for me, or you, or _evolution_." She spat the word out with extra vitriol.

"Can't you?" Angel said quietly. "Haven't you been tested by Twilight before, to make the hard decision? To put yourself and your people's needs before the world's?"

"I never-" She thought of a bank robbery to keep her troops supplied, of her willingness to kill her enemies off and of subsequently killing a human and risking an entire timeline to save her own, of letting demons kill humans and _had she really done that?_ torturing a vampire with Willow for their greater good, and her voice trailed off.

"And haven't you been grasping desperately for connection? To be a part of something meaningful?"

_To use Satsu when she loved me, to interfere with Xander and Dawn's relationship because I suddenly fell for him…to leap into Twilight's arms and try to jump from them into Spike's… _"I don't know what you're talking about," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering.

"I think you do." He rubbed rough palms against her upper arms soothingly, drawing her into his embrace. "You were chosen for something greater than any slayer before you, and tested to see if you were fitting. And you _are_, Buffy. You're the one."

That made her pull away from him almost violently, her eyes flashing and her fists clenched. "I'm _not_," she growled angrily. "Not anymore. Not like this. Find some other slayer to do your dirty work."

Angel didn't approach her again, was a wise move on his part. "It has to be you."

"Why? Because it's _you_?" she demanded. "Am I supposed to be your reward or something?"

"We're each other's reward." Angel's eyes bored holes into her. "Don't you love me?"

She looked away from him, unable to answer that. Of course she loved him. She'd always love him, regardless of what he did to her or anyone else, and she hated herself a little bit for it. But to tell him now would give Twilight even more power, and she couldn't do that. "What made you like this?" she asked. "How did you end up here?"

He didn't answer for a long time, gazing wistfully out into their surroundings until they faded into a leafy little enclave that she'd never seen before. For a moment, the phantom shadow of a little brown-haired boy ran past them with a grin on his chubby little face. He reached the stairs, aging rapidly until he was a teenager with a boyish smirk on his face._Hi, Dad,_ he mouthed, and then he was gone so quickly that Buffy was sure if she'd imagined the whole thing.

"I lost someone," Angel said finally. "Someone close to me, who mattered more than…who was everything."

"I'm sorry." A catty little part of her wondered who the girl was who'd affected him so. She shoved it down immediately. "But that doesn't excuse everything you've done since."

"Maybe not." He laughed roughly. "I blamed…I blamed a lot of people for his death. One of my best friends- my only friend left- Spike, Illyria… I was pretty much uncontrollable back then. I killed my friend, went on a murderous rampage, targeted Illyria and Spike until they finally managed to knock me out and incapacitate me…"

Buffy nodded. This she understood, though it wasn't her M.O. "You pulled a Willow."

Angel smiled humorlessly. "Is that what they're calling it now?" He looked out into the distance, and Buffy remembered what he'd said when he'd first revealed himself.  
_  
"I was in LA. Things got very funky. I'm okay now. I'm better than okay."  
_  
"This is what you call okay?" Buffy demanded. "Killing your friends? Trying to kill Spike? I get it, you lost some girl- guy?- and went crazy. It happens to the best of us. But you're not nuts anymore. How can you back Twilight? Back this destruction?"

"Spike and Illyria left- I think they went to try to find another friend, who'd left us for good after our last big fight. Maybe to help me, I don't know. But I was alone, and completely broken…" He smiled softly, and despite her better judgment, her own lips almost curved into a smile and she took an involuntary step closer to him. "Then Twilight's acolytes came to me, promising to give me a better life. Give the _world_ a better chance, make it something without pain and loss. It offered us peace, Buffy," he said, meeting her eyes beseechingly. "How could I reject that?"

"Peace at what cost?" She shook her head vigorously in an attempt to clear her mind. "You keep saying that, but how can your soul be alright with letting everyone die for a new order? How can you kill so many just for yourself?"

"I can because I care about the greater plans for the world," Angel murmured. "Because there's more at stake here than just people. And look at them. Look how imperfect they are, how much evil there is in your beloved world."

A new tear opened in their surroundings, and she looked through despite herself, watching as a street urchin stole a man's wallet, as a man stabbed another in the chest, as people shouted and cried and fought and died because of what they did to each other. "The world doesn't work in spite of evil, Buffy. It works with it. It works because of it. And so evil needs to be cut off at the source and the world born anew into a universe of pure good."

Inside the rip, a woman shoved a needle into her arm and sank into oblivion as her baby cried in the background. A little boy in a sand box was shoved against a wall and pummeled senseless by some bigger boys. Angel watched reflectively. "My whole unlife, I've been meant to play a role in the apocalypse, for good or evil. And I've finally chosen good." He touched her shoulder, and she shuddered, feeling suddenly unclean. "What will you decide?"


End file.
